Thursday, September 21, 2017

Rose's Birth Story

Warning: This post contains an insane amount of run on sentences, fragments, and incoherent thoughts. The author asks your forgiveness.




Birth story time! I love a good birth story.

Compared to my other ones, this one is kind of...well...boring? But boring in the absolute BEST way.

Let me start off by saying how much I love this girl. I know I preach all the time that love is not a feeling, blah blah blah...but my heart just melts every time I look at her. I am sure it's partially because she is a super easy baby so far and she doesn't really cry. She's just sweet and calm and likes to look around, and pretty much everything she does is OH MY GOSH LOOK AT THE WAY HER EYELID IS LIFTING, ISN'T THAT THE CUTEST SWEETEST THING YOU HAVE EVER SEEN!!! or ASHLEY ASHLEY LOOK, SHE'S SO OBSERVANT, LOOK HOW SHE LOOKS AROUND, SHE'S SO ADVANCED FOR HER AGE!!!! With her, more than any of my children, I feel this sort of obnoxious "my child does no wrong" thing that I used to get so irritated with other parents about when I was a teacher, and I'm convinced she's a prodigy and will be composing symphonies and finding the cure for cancer at age 4.

You would think I've never seen a newborn before.

But...we're THAT kind of Catholic, so alas, we are very familiar with newborns.

Now. To make life more real, I'd like to share something else. Going from three children to four children has been...uh....how do I put it?? Maybe some GIFs will do the trick:


Everyone wants to touch me.


via GIPHY


ALL THE TIME

via GIPHY

Yup. Especially in the boob area.

via GIPHY

Except I haven't fixed my hair.

via GIPHY


And, at the end of every day, which doesn't really happen when you have a newborn, because the nights and the days are kind of the same, and your brain loses the ability to make coherent sentences and remember which day it is or the names of your children...wait what was I saying? Oh yes, at the time when the sun goes down, Trent and I usually feel like this:



via GIPHY



via GIPHY


Admittedly, having a child is always overwhelming in some ways. But I have never before felt this level of intensity. I think that's the best word for it: intense. The first child, I still think, was the HARDEST, because we had no idea what we were doing, and our baby screamed non stop for the first three months of her life, and I went through some pretty bad post partum anxiety. But this...having four kids...is a whole new ball game.

Almost all the big families I know say the same thing: "Three is the hardest! Once you get past three, it's SOOOO much easier." I repeated this mantra to myself and to others who were questioning my sanity when I told them I was pregnant with number four.

Well, here's what I have to say to those big families:




via GIPHY

Maybe it's different for every family. Maybe it's just especially intense for us right now because of the closeness in age (4 children under age 5). But, for us, I can definitely say...four kids under five is INTENSE.

And the crazy part is that I haven't actually been alone with all four of my kids yet. I've had a tremendous amount of help from my saintly, patient husband (who seems to be handling this a lot better than I am), our families (ESPECIALLY my mom...THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU MOM!!!!!!!!), and friends.

**If you know us in real life, and have been debating about whether or not you want to help us by bringing us food, I will tell you: YES, we would GREATLY appreciate any help with feeding our family at this time!!!! The thought of cooking anything right now is crazy and I'm not above feeding my family glasses of breastmilk for dinner if need be**

The other funny part is that out of all the kids, Rose (the newborn) is by FAR the easiest. Usually you think of newborns as being really needy...but honestly she kind of just goes with the flow. She sleeps really well (for a breastfed newborn). She doesn't cry. Maybe it's because she resigned herself to the fact that as the fourth child she's just not going to get the same amount of attention that most kids get. #fourthchildprobs

Okay, BUT. Even in saying all that, how crazy and overwhelming and insane our life is right now...it's AWESOME. Seriously. I know you are probably slowly nodding your head, smiling widely, and patting me slowly the way you do to a child speaking gibberish you don't understand. But honestly, I wouldn't trade this for anything. This girl is part of our family in a way I never imagined and I can't fathom our life without her now. I also know it will not always be this level of intense. We will get used to things, and we will get into a routine, and everything will calm down. This will probably happen sooner rather than later.


via GIPHY

So what part of that is a birth story? None of it. Here's the actual birth story:

My last birth was pretty crazy, somewhat traumatic, but totally awesome because Miracle Max and I all ended up fine. I had to get a c-section, and even though I'm very thankful that ended up happening because Max could have easily died if I hadn't, the recovery process was very difficult for me. So I wanted to do everything possible to have a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarian). For a variety of reasons, we ended up going to a different hospital about an hour away.

As usual, I resigned myself to going overdue, because I've never had a (non-induced) labor that happened before my due date. My general rule of thumb is that I don't think about or realize the fact that I'm about to have a baby until the expiration date of the milk at the grocery store is past my due date. It's only at that point that I go into crazy nesting mode and must do ALL THE THINGS!

So when, a week and a half before my due date, I all the sudden started having really strong, close contractions, I was a bit irritated and did not think that it could possibly be real labor. And of course, a few hours later, the contractions petered out and it ended up not being real. It actually made us realize that we were going to be having a baby soon, though, so we decided to pack a hospital bag and get the rock and play out.


via GIPHY

A few days later, a week before my due date, the same thing happened. I woke up at 2am and started timing the contractions, which were 4 to 5 minutes apart. They kept coming, so after a few hours, I went on a walk. At this point I started asking St. Gerard to pray for me because I thought maybe it was real this time. The contractions were very strong during my walk. Then, an hour or two later, they stopped. So, exhausted and in a bad mood, I resigned myself to the fact that I would just perpetually be in labor forever and never actually have this baby.



via GIPHY

Fun fact: labor and birth is almost never like the movies. You know, where the woman is at the grocery store minding her own business and then all the sudden her water breaks and everyone around her freaks out and she goes straight to the hospital and then the baby is born hours later? Or where the husband is either sleeping or doing something else and the wife walks up to him and says "It's Time" and he freaks out and they drive to the hospital and the baby is born hours later? Or when the woman is just sitting there watching a movie and then all the sudden dramatically clutches her belly and says she has to go to the hospital NOW. For many women, it's this: have some contractions. Google "real labor vs false labor". Discover the words "prodromal labor". Lay there for hours wondering if it's real or not. Try to decide if husband should go to work or not. Etc, etc.

Two days later, 5 days before my due date, I woke up at 2am again. Trent had caught the stomach flu the day before (the rest of us had it the week before) and so he called into work sick that night. Since he works night shift, 7 days on 7 days off, we decided it would make sense for him to just stay up most of the night so his sleep cycle wouldn't be messed up when he went back to work. The night before, I felt really sick too, except it wasn't flu sick...it was more like I was in my first trimester again and eating anything seemed like a terrible idea. I didn't realize it at the time but apparently that can be a sign of early labor. So, at 2am when I woke up, I was having pretty strong contractions about 10 minutes apart. At this point, I was so over the "are they real or not" deal that I just ignored them. Trent was awake, and I could not fall back asleep, so we watched a movie for a little bit. Then we both slept.

My contractions continued that morning. They were strong but still pretty far apart. I had made plans with a friend to go to the botanical gardens that morning but I was so tired and worn out from all the contractions that I decided to just go to her house instead. That whole morning the contractions kept coming, but I still was in denial that they were real. By lunchtime, they were so strong that I couldn't walk or talk through them. So I called the midwife just to get her opinion. She told me to wait it out and see if it goes anywhere. Feeding the kids lunch and putting them down for their nap was really, really hard. At that point I was starting to seriously wonder if this was real labor. Finally, around 1pm, I decided that we should go to the hospital.

I woke Trent up. My brother came over to keep an eye on the kids and I made him promise not to tell anyone that we were going to the hospital because, even though I was starting to think this WAS real, I didn't want to tell anyone until I KNEW it was real. On the way to the hospital my chiropractor told me to come for an adjustment. The car ride was pretty uncomfortable. I might have yelled at Trent for trying to find the perfect parking space, and I might have told him to just GO TO VALLET ALREADY.



via GIPHY

When we got to the maternity center, no one was at the front desk. By this point, my contractions were very painful. Trent wanted to fill out the informational form and wait patiently for the next available receptionist. I yelled at him again (sorry Trent :-( )and told him to just CALL THE MIDWIFE ALREADY, because there is no way in heck I'm going to sit here and wait. She checked my progress and I was 4-5 centimeters. I then had to get checked in and was wheeled up to the labor floor.

The place we went to was called Mercy Birthing Center, and it's for people who want a natural home birth experience, but with the safety of being in the hospital in case something goes wrong. It is a different place than the hospital's normal maternity ward. But since I had a previous c-section, I couldn't give birth in the actual birthing center, and had to go to one of their VBAC rooms. It is very similar to the regular birthing center suites, but it's just located on the regular maternity ward floor. I also had to be continuously monitored and have an IV line started just in case something went wrong. So when the nurse wheeled me into a regular maternity room and NOT one of the birthing center VBAC suites, I sort of freaked out. I told the nurse I was a birthing center patient and I wanted the VBAC birthing center room. She was clearly pretty irritated but I didn't care...all I could think about was getting in that big water tub.

They finally wheeled me to the birthing center VBAC room. When I met my nurse, I immediately could tell she was not friendly. She didn't make eye contact with me, she was flitting around trying to find my IV equipment and making exasperated frustrated sounds and sighs when she couldn't find what she needed, and she didn't even talk to me until she got the blood pressure cuff around me. At this point, my contractions were close together and very painful and it was hard for me to concentrate on anything. This nurse was taking my blood pressure DURING my contractions, and didn't understand why it kept reading as high. She kept asking me questions during my contractions too, and at that point there was NO way I could talk through them or listen to anyone. She was trying to find a vein to start the IV line, and stuck the needle in at least three different places, again, DURING my contractions. At one point, I told Trent, "I'm so glad God gives us breaks between contractions". She then snidely said "I don't think it's God that does that." Um....REALLY? Even though I was distracted from labor, I couldn't believe a nurse would say something like that.

via GIPHY

At that point, my midwife said: "Ashley, do you mind if I go downstairs for just a minute?" I didn't care. I noticed when she came back, she had a different nurse with her. I didn't realize it at the time but now I think she got another nurse for me because the one I had was so unfriendly and inappropriate. Thank the Lord, this new nurse was so sweet, and she was pregnant and wanted to have a natural birth too so she was very supportive and helpful.

It took about an hour trying to get an IV started, and my veins just weren't cooperating. At this point I was about to cry because all I wanted to do was just GET IN THE TUB. My midwife finally said, "Ok, we need to stop this. Ashley, just get in the tub." I could have kissed her. She already had it filled for me. I got in and started to feel like a wimp, because I was starting to lose control. I kept saying "I'm being a wimp, I don't know how much longer I can take this." And of course, my midwife told me that I wasn't being a wimp (what else would she say?) and that I was doing a great job, and that I was very polite (haha!). I think they finally got the IV in me while I was in the tub but by that point I was completely out of it and not knowing what was happening.

My midwife told me to lay down in the tub, and at that point, I had two extremely strong, painful contractions that made me do that stereotypical "woman-in-labor" animal-like moan. Then, all the sudden, I felt this tremendous amount of pressure that was unlike anything I've ever felt. I started to yell "WHAT IS HAPPENING, WHAT IS HAPPENING, SOMETHING IS HAPPENING!!" Apparently Trent was in the other room at that point answering admission questions the nurse was asking him. He heard me yelling and awkwardly said "uh....I think I should go in there right now".



via GIPHY

My body just starting pushing and pushing and I was yelling a lot. I think I said "Ahhhhh this hurts, it hurts, what is happening???" But I don't remember exactly. They kept telling me the baby was coming out. Then, all the sudden, after about 20 seconds of pushing, Rose was born.

My water broke as I was pushing her out. Even though it's technically not allowed, she was born in the water because there was no time to drain it. She had meconium (where the baby poops in the womb) but it didn't cause any problems. I was so overwhelmed by the whole pushing process that I didn't even realize right away that they put her on my chest. She cried, and she was perfect. I asked Trent "Is it a girl or a boy??" No one said anything so I looked and she was A GIRL!!!!!!

I am so incredibly thankful and blessed that I was able to have a successful VBAC and that I had such a quick, relatively easy labor. I got in the tub at 5pm, and Rose was born at 5:15pm. I have NEVER had a quick labor. And the best thing about natural birth is that once the placenta comes out, you feel so great! I was able to walk around somewhat normally just an hour after birth.

I was so thankful that my mom came right after she was born. It is a special thing for a daughter to have her mother meet a new grandbaby. (She also brought us 5 Guys burgers and fries, and let me tell you, burgers and fries right after the hard work of giving birth might possibly be the best meal in the entire world). I will be forever thankful to my mom that she respected our decision to have a private birth (just Trent, me, and the midwife/nurses) but still came afterward to see me and the baby. That is real love and sacrifice, right there. Thank you mom, I love you <3 p="">
We left the next day and brought our new miracle home. The other kids are over the moon about her. All they want to do is see Rose and hold Rose and kiss Rose and check on Rose and Rose needs a blanket and can I pet Rose...etc etc etc. It is so precious. Even Max, who is only 18 months old, wants to be around her all the time.

She is named after St. Rose Philippine Duchesne. St. Rose lived in France for the first half of her life and wanted more than anything to work with Native Americans in America. Finally when the opportunity arose, she sailed to New Orleans, then up the Mississippi to St. Louis. She worked in St. Louis for a good part of her life and taught Native Americans. They called her "The Woman Who Prays Always". After Trent lost his job last year and we had no idea where we would be living, it was difficult to think we might have to leave St. Louis. Thankfully, God provided a wonderful job for him and we never had to move, and we still get to call St. Louis our home. We found it fitting to name Rose after a saint who lived in the city we call home, a city that has provided for us in so many ways.

So yes, things are crazy right now. But as usual, we wouldn't have it any other way. And we thank God for this life that He has entrusted to us. Welcome to the world, Rose Philippine!