Stop Saying Prayer is Useless

I've about had it with this meme (or others like it):

This meme (like all memes) is trying to compartmentalize a universal practice into an "amusing" one liner. I've seen it floating around the internet before, but it seems to have exploded after the recent tragedies in Orlando. I've seen similar comments on news websites, blogs, and elsewhere. Well, surprise surprise! I have an opinion about it. So here it is:

1. How do you KNOW prayer doesn't help?

Can you, with 100% certainty, claim there is no God? Even most well-versed atheists say no such thing....they claim that there is no good evidence to prove God exists. So I'll bring out the old Paschal's wager: There are two possibilities: God exists, or He doesn't. If there is even the slightest chance that He could exist, why WOULDN'T you pray? Not the best argument for the existence of God, I know, but think about it. I have first hand seen miracles happen that defy logic and science...and these miracles were a result of prayer. I have seen incorrupt bodies of saints who have died hundreds of years ago...yet their bodies have never decayed (interesting that you don't find that phenomenon with non religious people...). So unless you can say that you know, without a doubt, that prayer is useless, then stop making that claim.

2. You are most likely being hypocritical

I went through one of the most difficult times in my life from November through February of last year, during my 2nd and 3rd trimester with Max. During two of those months, I literally could not move without extreme pain, and I lived on my couch (unable to take care of my family or myself). I had to quit my part time job. Interestingly enough, out of my (estimated) 1000+ Facebook and real life friends, family, and acquaintances, about 15 of those people actually PHYSICALLY helped me by watching my kids, cleaning my house, or bringing us meals. And you know what? THAT'S OKAY. People cannot possibly help in that way for every single tragedy that occurs. I would love to be able to drive to Orlando right now and shower all those grieving families with as much help as they needed, but I can't. And most likely, neither can you. I can't give blood, and haven't been able to since March 2012. I give money to my church, which is part of the worldwide Catholic Church...a Church that has clothed, fed, educated, and healed more people the past 2,000 years than any other organization. Do you know what I did receive more than anything during those difficult months in my life? Prayers. Good thoughts. "Positive vibes" (I'm still not sure what that means but I appreciated it just the same). Many of those people who said they were "thinking about me" were people who do not believe in the effectiveness of prayer. But even though they did not physically come to my house and help me take care of my family, IT STILL HELPED. 

3. You have no idea how many people are making sacrifices for YOU.

Many of my non-Catholic friends probably don't know that there are hundreds, perhaps thousands, of cloistered groups of men and women around the entire world who devote their whole lives to prayer. These priests, monks, nuns, and other consecrated people have made a vow to never leave monasteries for the REST OF THEIR LIVES for any reason (unless, from what I understand, there is a medical emergency and they have to be taken to a hospital) so that they can avoid any distractions and devote their entire lives to prayer. 

And do you know that prayer does not simply mean getting on your knees and talking to God? Scripture calls ALL OF US, not just the cloistered priests and nuns, to fast, or make sacrifices, for others. To offer up any suffering we might endure for the benefit of others. And the more someone is suffering, whether it be physically, emotionally, spiritually, or all of the above, the more powerful their prayers can be. We should be doing this every single day, whether it be offering up a very small paper cut for someone you know, all the way up to the turmoil and pain a terminal patient might offer up.

I suppose we will all find out after we die whether or not these prayers made a difference. If, indeed, God is real, and our prayers actually DO make a physical, tangible difference, we will surely find out in the next life exactly who prayed and made sacrifices for us. You might be surprised how many people that actually is. 

So I'm going to pray, and I'm going to do it proudly, knowing that yes...I AM making a difference for those people. Just as so many have done for me during my times of need, now it's my turn to do it for them. And I trust that God's power is so infinitely strong that He can, indeed, help those people in this time of unspeakable grief.

Why Feelings Don't Matter: My Take On Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner

Heyyyy!!!!!!!!! I am BACK, y'all!! Aren't you beyond excited? I know this might just be one of the best days you've had all year.

I took a little blogging hiatus, needing a mental writing break. But I'm back. I hope to write maybe a post a week and get back into the groove of things, now that Mary is older and not nursing anymore.

So there's been a lot of speculation out there about the Bruce-Caitlyn sex change operation. And, since I'm very opinionated, and I have a blog, I decided I'd write about it.

A few things before I begin:
1) I realize that in writing this, there is a great possibility I will get hateful comments because my opinion is in the "less loud" category. I'm not going to say my opinion is in the minority, because I believe there are many people out there who might agree with me but are afraid to voice their opinion for fear that they will get bullied. If you disagree with me, I respect that. All I ask is that you keep any comments kind and rational. If I feel a comment is not kind or rational, I will delete it.

2) Many people feel very strongly about which name is used for Bruce/Caitlyn. For this blog post, I will refer to him as Caitlyn, simply because he did legally change his name and I will respect that.

3) Remember, most of all, that disagreement DOES NOT equal hate or judgement. You might disagree with my point of view, but I don't think you hate me. So I ask that you remember the same about me.

Catholics generally have a good understanding of feelings...and why they don't really matter. This is a large reason why the Catholic Church is sometimes unpopular: because today's society bases almost EVERYTHING on feelings. People leave the Catholic Church all the time because they don't "get anything out of it"... or they don't feel it. People get divorced because they just don't feel anything for each other anymore. People (myself especially) don't get much done around the house because they don't feel like it.

In our sensationalized culture, it's almost like people expect to have a constant feeling of gratification. They call this "happiness." But is it really? I'd like to put in my two cents from my own personal experience.

When I was younger, I felt God's presence all the time. I had absolutely no doubt in my mind about His existence, and prayer came very easily to me. I didn't realize it at the time, but this was an incredible gift God gave me. Because very soon after Elizabeth was born, my life came to a screeching halt and everything I previously knew, or felt, about God (and life in general) dramatically changed.

As I struggled through a lot of postpartum emotional issues, I struggled even more with the fact that I no longer "felt" God in my life. It was like a huge comfort had been suddenly ripped away from me. I started to question the existence of God, if God was really there for me, and who God really was.

Despite all this uncertainty I felt, I knew deep down in the back of my mind that I must keep going. Even though I didn't get any emotional fulfillment from church or prayer, I continued to, as they say, "show up." There were (and still are) times when the last thing I ever wanted to do was pray. But I did it anyway. Imagine dragging a kicking and screaming toddler away from a TV show and leading her to a kitchen table to eat her vegetables instead (not that I would ever know what that would be like since my children never have tantrums...ahem...) That was sort of how I viewed prayer. I whined lot about it in my mind...But God..I don't WANNNNAAA pray right now. I WANNA WATCH TV!!!!! 

I am still struggling, as we all are to some degree or another. But through this period of over two years, I am realizing one thing: My feelings are not an indicator of how much God loves me.

Feelings do not equal love, and feelings do not equal happiness. Sure, happy emotions might be a product of love or happiness. But that doesn't mean they are one in the same.

Our culture crucifies anyone who says otherwise. Everyone should have the right to do whatever feels good, right? Or, as the popular saying goes: who are we to judge? It doesn't affect me, so why do I care?

I would argue that it does affect me...and it affects me very much. My children are going to grow up in a confusing, uncertain world where nothing is concrete and reality no longer exists. And we are already in a world where those who disagree with popular opinion are verbally (and sometimes physically) assulted and put on the same level as racists.

Caitlyn Jenner is, no matter how much plastic surgery or how many operations he gets, a man. He might feel differently...but DNA does not lie. I have compassion for him and for any other people who are genuinely confused about their identity and are searching for happiness. But the word I would like to emphasize is this: confused. There are people who surgically alter themselves to look like reptiles and felines. Some of these people genuinely believe they should have been born an animal instead of a human. And as much as they can try to look like the said animal, they will never truly be one. They were born human, and in essence will be a human for the rest of their lives. Should we support their skewed vision of reality? I don't think so.

I truly hope Caitlyn Jenner is happy. I hope that he somehow finds what he is looking for. I hope that his children, his ex-wives, and his family are coping with the certain confusion and emotional upheaval that must come with this life altering decision. Rather than focusing on what feels good, perhaps instead we need to ask ourselves this question: What is happiness?

Happiness is an act, and the act is this: serving others. Whenever we put others before ourselves is when we will truly be happy. Trust me, you are hearing this from me, who is probably one of the most selfish people out there. I struggle with this constantly. As in...I have to have actual conversations with myself to put my selfish inclinations behind me. And I fail at it. A lot. But sometimes, (only with God's help), I am victorious. And when I do serve others, I have a deep sense of peace that pervades my being. Does it "feel" good to be unselfish? Not usually. But in this case, as in most, my feelings are not an indicator of what is right and wrong.

How To Help Someone Suffering From Miscarriage

Today, December 13, is a day of bittersweet emotions for me. It is the feast day of St. Lucy...a very important saint in my life. My middle name, Lucia, was taken from Sr. Lucia, who was my grandmother's best friend. My grandmother, after whom Mary Ellen is named, was one of the most important people in my life. I often think of her and Sr. Lucia on this day.

This day also brings great sorrow to me. Today, three years ago, was the day I lost my first baby, who we named Catherine. In the early hours before sunrise, as I lay in bed nursing my infant, I think of my first baby. My girl who had a short life, but a life nonetheless. I have been wanting to write a post about how to help mothers (and fathers) who have suffered miscarriage. So many well meaning people say such hurtful things without even realizing they are hurtful. And likewise, so many people just want to help, without knowing what to do. Miscarriage is a taboo subject in our culture...many people don't quite know how to react to it. It is a lonely cross that parents must bear. So I hope these tips might help the loved ones of those going through a terrible loss.

Things you should not say 

1. At least it happened early.

It always amazes me that "pro-life" people treat miscarriage as something that does not need to be addressed. If you believe that life starts at conception, why wouldn't an early loss be just as devastating as a later loss? It's the same person...the same soul...the same baby. Just a different size. It is, I believe, because of our "seeing is believing" culture. People cannot see that the mother is pregnant. No one but the mother feels the physical pain of miscarriage. And typically, no one but the mother (and father) sees the tiny, tiny baby that has been taken from the womb. So always realize that, no matter when a miscarriage occurs in a pregnancy, the pain (and the baby) is so real.

2. There was probably a genetic problem, so it was for the best.

"It was for the best" is something that no one ever wants to hear when they are experiencing a loss. After going through a miscarriage, you do not care that the likelihood your baby could have survived outside the womb are very slim. You do not care that there was probably something seriously wrong with your baby. The fact is, that was, and is, your baby. No matter what medical state the baby was in while in the womb.

3. God needed another angel.

First of all, theologically speaking, humans do not become angels when they enter heaven. Angels are a different species than humans...all spirit, with no body. But aside from that, this is one of those phrases that well meaning people think might comfort the parents. In reality, it does the opposite. Especially when parents are fresh from the loss of their baby, they do not want to hear that "this was all in God's plan" or "God needed them in heaven." Death was never part of God's plan. God's plan was for people to live in the perfect world of Eden with Him. Death would have never existed had it not been for original sin which resulted from our free will. And even though it certainly is true that our baby can intercede for us in heaven (something I definitely kept in mind during my early pregnancy with Elizabeth), during the time of miscarriage, we want our baby with us here on Earth. 

4. You can always have more children/at least you have children already

This phrase takes away from the importance of the baby for whom the parents are mourning. It implies that this death shouldn't be so bad, because at least you'll have other kids to take your mind off it. I doubt that anyone would ever say this to parents who have lost a child who has already been born...so why is it okay to say this to parents who have lost their child in the womb? 

Things that you should say or do

1. Give the parents space if they need it

After I had my miscarriage, I did not want to speak to or see anyone for awhile. Partly because I didn't want people to know about what I had gone through. Partly couldn't stand facing the (well meaning) comments people would make. And partly because I couldn't handle being around those who did know, acting like nothing had happened and that everything was okay (again, well meaning). I chose to mourn by myself. It was difficult, because it was around Christmastime. I remember opening presents with our families, trying to be happy about Christmas, but simply thinking the whole time about how it was impossible to feel happy after losing my baby.

I also remember it being very difficult to go anywhere in public for awhile. Every time I saw a baby or a pregnant person, I would burst into tears. I specifically remember one time going to a restaurant with my mom and sitting down to our table. I glanced to the side, and realized that literally right next to our table was a brand new mother with an infant who couldn't have been more than a week old. I had to get up and go to another table because I couldn't handle being around the baby.

2. Acknowledge that this baby is real, and that they will always be his/her parents.

The most comforting thing anyone ever said to me while I went through my miscarriage had to do with this point. I had not told many people about it, and chose to tell a coworker at school. I remember that instead of looking at me with sorrow or awkwardness, he broke out in a big smile, and said: "Wow! You guys are parents! That's amazing!" For me, it acknowledged the fact that my baby was real, and that, especially since this was my first baby, I was a mother. 

3. If the couple gives the baby a name, refer to him/her by that name.

We chose to name our baby Catherine. It was too early to tell if the baby was a girl or a boy, but based off a very real dream that I believe was a message from God, we knew our baby was a girl. Since parents who miscarry early do not get a funeral or any sense of closure from the loss, giving the baby a name has helped us tremendously. 

And the most important thing, I think, is this:

Never forget this baby.

As the months and years pass, most people tend to move on. But as a mother, you never forget. My mom sends me messages often, telling me she's thinking about my baby in heaven. I can't tell you how comforting it is to know that someone still remembers. That not everyone has forgotten. 

I think many people are afraid to bring it up, thinking that it might bring me pain. But it's actually quite the opposite. By acknowledging my baby, you are telling me that my baby was real and important to you. And that you want to be there for me, even years later, when even though the pain is different now, it is still there. And it always will be.

My baby girl will always be in my heart. And I will never forget the love and support I received from those who have helped and continue to help me along the way. It is a long and windy road...one that is traveled easier while holding someone's hand.

My Rant About Catholic Priests

If you are friends with me on Facebook, you might recognize this note I wrote about my feelings toward Catholic priests. I decided to post it on my blog, as a reminder to myself and to anyone reading of how amazing Catholic priests really are. Enjoy!

Being a Catholic, I am used to being constantly criticized and judged. I'm not trying to be a martyr here, but it's the truth. Just watch the news, and you'll for sure see SOMETHING on there that negatively depicts the Church that I love so much. It's very rare that you'll consistently see a big uproar about something that a Evangelical preacher, a Buddhist scholar, or a Hindu teacher might say. Why is that? Because the Church angers and confuses people. Because what we believe is not convenient, easy, or in any way "with the times." Why don't we just change and conform to modern society? Maybe then everyone would just leave us alone and let us practice our faith in peace. 

Let's face it. Catholicism is confusing and hard to understand. In a religion that has lasted over 2,000 years, it's bound to be. I don't claim to know and understand every single aspect of it. But, I 100% guarantee you that the people who are "against" the Church are not actually against it. They are against what they THINK is the Church. They just don't understand why we do what we do. And I totally get that. It's complex, sure. But if you are willing to put in the time and energy to REALLY TRY to...in the words of Shaun T..."dig deeper" (teehee), you might be surprised at what you find.

So what I'm writing about today is our priests. Our men who give their ENTIRE LIVES to serve the Church. Our men who decide, on their own accord, that they want to dedicate their whole self to take care of God's people. That's you and me. Wait, does that sound familiar? Didn't someone else do that? Was it Jesus? 

Every time I see a priest, I have an urge to get on my knees and kiss his feet in thanksgiving for what he has done for me and for us. (I don't usually give in to this urge, because I feel that it might freak people out...) I wish there was a universal sign of respect that I could portray to a priest every time I saw one...even if I didn't know him. Something that said, "Father, I love and respect you for making this decision. Thank you for giving your life for me, just as Jesus did." 

Every time I see a priest, I want to just stare at him (in the non-creepiest way possible) because I am so IN AWE. I am amazed that there are still people out there who believe in the Church SO MUCH that they sacrifice everything in order to best serve the Church's people. 

Every time I see a priest, I want to shout to everyone around me: "STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING! COME TALK TO THIS MAN! HE IS HERE FOR YOU AND FOR ME, AND WE SHOULD ALL THANK HIM!" 

Now, am I claiming that priests are perfect? No. They are human just like everyone else, and they have flaws just like you and me. Have some priests done horrible things "in the name of the Church?" Unfortunately, yes. Do some priests preach or act in a way that doesn't reflect what the Church teaches? Yes. Are all priests warm and cuddly and do they all make you feel fuzzy inside? No. The fact is, there are priests out there who have done horrible things or who make us feel exactly the opposite as "being close to Christ." But does this mean that we should judge every priest based on those few? Of course not. Should we say all teachers are bad because some of them sexually assault their students? Should we say all fathers are bad because some of them physically abuse their children? Should we say all movie stars are bad because some of them have drug addictions? No.

So perhaps you can understand perhaps why in infuriates me when all I hear is criticism toward these amazing men. "I saw a priest driving a BMW...how dare he spend that kind of money on a car when he should be giving it to the poor!" "I don't like that priest...his homilies are boring." Or even worse yet, when their criticisms are based off either untruths or misunderstandings of the faith. "Why can't priests get married?" "Why can't there be women priests?" Those are great questions. And there are logical answers as to why the Catholic Church does not allow for women priests or married priests. But to me, constantly complaining about that is the same as going up to a war veteran and saying "You know, that war was so unnecessary and I don't agree with it. Why would you go and fight for something so stupid?"

So instead of the criticisms, let's first try to UNDERSTAND the teachings of the church. Then, even if you don't agree with it, at least show some respect toward these men. Even if a priest isn't the friendliest or the coolest or the greatest person you know, show him some love. Because I can almost certainly guarantee that these men love you. How do I know that? They are, literally, living proof.

"So What Do You Do All Day?" Part 1

The decision to become a stay-at-home-mom (which, for brevity's sake, I will call a SAHM for the rest of the post) was not an easy one for me. In fact, I would call it almost agonizing. There were many, many sleepless nights, tearful conversations, and desperate prayers involved. Deep down, I always knew it was the best decision for our family. But I was terrified to make the plunge.

I was immensely blessed to get my dream job right after graduating college. I have told this to many people, but honestly, I could not have found a more perfect job for me. I taught band, choir, and general music at a local Catholic high school. One which, ironically, most of my family attended, but I did not. I absolutely loved teaching high school. For me, it is the perfect age to teach. The students are old enough to understand my weird sense of humor, and to discuss real life issues with insight and maturity. They appreciate sarcasm, they love talking about every day topics, and they make me laugh like no one else can. It was truly a great job.

The first two years I taught, it worked out really well with my life situation. I was engaged the first year, and newly married the second year. Being a high school music teacher means that there are many after school, evening, and weekend obligations that take up your time in addition to your day job (and to be honest, it's like this for most teachers, not just music). But I didn't mind, because it was just my husband and me at home.

When Elizabeth was born during my third year of teaching, my school was generous enough to allow me to take an entire semester off for maternity leave (mostly unpaid, but my job would be held for me). For me, it was a great situation because I was able to have 7 months off (second semester and summer) to spend with my baby, getting used to being a mom. Trent and I seriously considered me not going back to school. In the end, though, we decided it would be best for me to return to my job.

But I knew that, even though I loved my job so much, something wasn't right. I felt like I was split...I couldn't give 100% to my job OR my family. I spent all day at work thinking about my family, and I spent all day at home thinking about my job. I had many evening and weekend obligations that made it difficult to spend time with my new daughter. Some days, I only saw her in the morning as I scrambled to get everything ready for day care.

My instincts were telling me that staying home would be the right decision. Trent wanted me to stay home more than anything. But fear held me back. What would people say? What if I hated staying home and wanted my job back? I kept asking God for some sort of sign...a sign which I felt wasn't coming.

But then, the sign came. In the form of a positive pregnancy test. At that moment when I saw those two pink lines, even amid my shock and disbelief, I knew that once this baby came, I could no longer return to work. I was still scared out of my mind, but deep down, for the first time, I felt a sense of peace and finality about my decision. 

Much to my surprise, most of my friends and family showed great love and support of our decision. There were a few negative comments and disapproving glances here and there, but overall, I really did feel an outpouring of positive feedback. This helped me feel peace about our decision so much.

Now that I have been a SAHM for almost a half of a year, I have realized many things. Most importantly, I now understand how lucky I am to even have the choice to stay home. Money is tight for us, yes. But we have the means to make it work. Many women want nothing more than to stay home with their children, but can't because of financial or other reasons. 

I also see that being a SAHM does not make you a better or worse parent than being a working mom. Every family is different. I know some moms who are simply better moms when they are able to get out of the house and work. They say they would hate staying home every day. Other moms, like myself, simply do better when we can be with our children most of the time. I think Catholics especially are guilty of being judgmental of other family's situations. When I went back to work after having Elizabeth, there was a well intentioned Catholic friend who asked us why we were going to pay someone to raise our child for us. 

Most of all, though, I see a culture that views SAHMs as lazy leeches who use their husband's money and do not contribute to their family in a productive way. We are asked the dreaded question time and time again: "So...what do you do all day?" 

In a series of blog posts to come, I will talk about why this view is wrong (not to mention highly offensive), where it comes from, and how I respond to it. Stay tuned!

5 Things You Should Know About People Opposed to Homosexual Lifetyles

It has always baffled me that for some, saying "I disagree" can automatically mean "I hate you." This applies especially to the issue of homosexuality. I don't think living in a homosexual lifestyle is beneficial for anyone. And because I hold this view, I've been called names, I've been yelled at, and I've been misquoted. But most of all, I've found that people make assumptions about me that could not be farther from the truth. I want to clear up a few of these assumptions, and I hope it comes through in a loving, non judgmental tone.

1. I don't hate gay people.
Nor am I afraid of them. The term "homophobe" means to be frightened of homosexuals. I have friends who are gay, and I love them. I don't agree with their lifestyle, but guess what? There are aspects of most of my friends' lifestyles that I don't agree with. Does this mean I don't love them? I'm against contraception. I'm assuming that a great majority of people I know and love use contraception. I don't agree with their choice to use contraception, and I hope and pray that they stop, because I know it's not the best thing for them. But I still love them.

2. I understand that same-sex attraction is not a choice.
Same sex attraction can certainly be built in, and can be no different than my own attraction to the opposite sex. Most gay people don't choose to be gay. In fact, I have found that many wish they weren't, because of the obstacles they must face. I feel a great amount of compassion for my gay friends because of those difficulties.

3. I acknowledge that homosexual activity is wrong. This is not the same as "judging."
Thinking that something is wrong is not the same as judging. I do think, when done knowingly and intentionally, homosexual activity is not good. But guess what? So is using contraception. And heterosexual activity outside of marriage. And acting on anger. And gluttony. And laziness. Who the heck am I to look down on gay people, when I have a list longer than the Great Wall of China of my own problems? I don't look down on anyone who makes bad decisions. Because then I would look have to look down on every person on the Earth, including myself.

4. There is nothing wrong with having same-sex attraction. The problem is acting on that attraction.
Before my husband and I got married, we were attracted to each other. It's normal to want to have intercourse with someone even if you're not married. There is no problem in that. But that doesn't mean that we should act on those wants. So the idea that "being gay is wrong" is incorrect. If a person has no choice in the matter of having same-sex attraction, how can that be wrong?

5. I don't think your sexual orientation describes who you are.
I hate saying "So and so is gay" or "So and so is a homosexual." I don't like associating a person with their sexual orientation. That's not who a person is. It may be part of a person, but it's not the essence of him or her. People may have homosexual or heterosexual tendencies, but that's not who they are. They are much more than that.

So please understand that many people who don't agree with the homosexual lifestyle aren't haters, or ignorant, or mean, or judgmental, or any other negative adjective you might use. There's many of us out there. But to be quite frank, people with same-sex attraction are absolutely no different than the rest of us. Why is it nearly impossible to have a calm, intelligent discussion on this topic, without name calling (on either end)? I think it's because people on both sides of the fence make assumptions about the other that actually aren't true. Maybe it would do everyone some good if we could step back and look at all sides.

Me, Me, Me

I'm going to substitute my normal 7 quick takes for a post about humility, and how I need a big slap in the face sometimes when it comes to this virtue.

I am so incredibly thankful that God has given me my husband. Out of all of my gifts, including my children, I am most thankful for him. My list of important things in my life go as follows, in order by importance:

1) God (ideally God is always ranked first in my life, but if I'm going to be real, it's sadly true that this is not always the case

2) My husband

3) My children

4) Family and close friends

5) Chocolate milk*

*sometimes depending on my emotional state number 1 and number 5 are switched

My husband is patient, kind, gentle, and understanding. The exact opposite of me. I look up to him in a way that makes me want to be a better person.

People tell me ALL the time: "you are so lucky to have him. He is such a good father. He is such a good husband." I always nod vigourosly, agreeing. I can't believe sometimes that I am so blessed.

But. When people say these things to me, the ugly monster of pride comes racing into my head. Instead of simply agreeing with them and being thankful for what I have, and then moving on, the thoughts start to creep into my head. What about me? I think. Am I not a good wife? Am I not a good mother? Why does no one ever comment about that? Why do I never hear people telling Trent that he's so lucky to have me? That my children are lucky to have me?

Its true...I've only heard people say this about me a few times, compared to the hundreds of times I've heard it about Trent. It's not at all that I'm jealous of Trent. It's that I'm resentful that people don't often tell me that I, too, am doing a good job. That I am a good wife, and a good mother. Because in the 5 love languages (if you are married and have never read this book, READ IT. It's dripping with truth and wisdom and it WILL make your marriage better), mine is words of affirmation. I need to be told that I'm doing a good job. I'm kind of like a dog. Give me a treat for my good behavior and everything will be just dandy. Trent knows this, and is constantly thanking me for everything I do. 

But when does a need for affirmation become a pride issue? Here comes the infamous Catholic guilt. Why can't I simply be happy for what I have, and not get slightly upset every time someone gushes over Trent and not me? Why does it always have to be about me? Me, me, me. If I wanted to be affirmed, I shouldn't have become a stay at home mom, which is one of the most thankless jobs in existence.

There's not really a concrete answer to my problem. It's something that I have always struggled with and will continue to struggle with for a long time. It will be a two steps forward, one step back kind of process. Stupid pride. Go away.

Now if you'll excuse me I have to go hang a giant mural of my face on our front door wall. Because it's all about me.

PS: just so everyone is aware, I'm not writing this post so people will tell me that I am a good mom and wife...the point of it is to talk about our issues and how to get over them. Just clarifying...no attention seeking 'round these here parts. K thx bye.

Boobies and Cow Duties In Public: Yay or Nay?

Hi! My name is Ashley. I used to have a blog that I updated on a regular basis. Then this little thing happened where I had a baby. Here I thought copious amounts of time sitting and nursing would equal a PLETHORA of amazing posts! Buuuuut Trent and I started watching Downton Abbey. Annnnnd our Amazon Prime subscription was about to run out and we aren't planning on renewing it. Annnnnd we wanted to finish all four seasons before our subscription ran out.

Mission accomplished. Anguish level from events in show=high. Blog production level=nada. Well, never fear, I am here, and I'm going to TRY to get back into my blogging groove.

Mary Ellen, so far, has been a dream baby. She only cries when she's hungry or very tired, she sleeps pretty well for a newborn**, and she's sweet as pie. She's only 3 weeks old, so I do realize that this could all change. But for now, I'm thanking God for giving me such a calm, sweet baby.

**except when it's time to go to sleep at night. Then she only wants to be nursing at all times.

Almost every aspect of my pregnancy, birth, and postpartum experience with Mary has been completely different from my experience with Elizabeth. A big difference I have noticed (so far) has been with breastfeeding. I've written a post before about my past experience. With Elizabeth, I struggled greatly with the transition to full time breastfeeding and had many issues with milk supply and Elizabeth's (lack of) weight gain. So far, Mary has been a great nurser and we haven't had any big issues. I'm now having the breastfeeding experience that I always envisioned, and I am so very thankful. I think having had a bad experience before has made me appreciate the good experience now so much more.

Lately, I have been noticing a lot of talk about breastfeeding in public. I'm wondering what people's thoughts actually are on this topic. It seems like there's always a few people on both sides who feel strongly about their opinion, but how do the majority of people actually feel?

I'll tell you what I think. Personally, I do not feel comfortable nursing in public without a cover. This can pose issues sometimes, since Mary does not seem to really like the nursing cover. But regardless of the annoyances that come with using a cover, I still am glad that I have one and will use it when I nurse in public.

BUT, I also think people who do not want to use a cover should have a right to do so. Unfortunately, we live in a society where magazines of mostly naked women on the cover can be displayed at eye level in grocery stores with no issues, and PG-13 movies can contain graphic scenes with nudity (or almost nudity) with no complaints from anyone. But whoooooooa there, cowgirl, hold on one sec...if a woman decides to nurse her baby in public with no cover, suddenly everyone is uncomfortable and offended.

I was at the Science Center with my husband and two children (it sounds so weird to say the word "children" when referring to my family) and I sat on a little bench to nurse Mary. I used my cover. This woman came up to me and said, "I just want to thank you for giving nursing a good image. I was here a few weeks ago and this woman just popped out her boob for the whole world to see, and it was extremely offensive. So thank you." I just kind of left my mouth open in response, because while I personally don't feel comfortable with nursing without a cover, I have absolutely no problem with women who do choose not to use one.

I don't necessarily blame people who feel uncomfortable with the practice of uncovered breastfeeding. It's a societal problem, and it all stems back to our unhealthy and over-sexed view of the human body. We are so saturated with images of nearly naked men and women (nearly always meant to portray sex appeal), but when a woman is using her body part for something it was actually created to do, we suddenly become more prudish than the Victorian era.

My view is: if you don't like it, just don't look. Some babies are extremely finicky and have a very difficult time latching on. Covers just make it worse. So why can't a woman feed her baby without having to get nasty looks and comments from others?

What do you think? Are you uncomfortable with uncovered nursing, or do you think it's fine? I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Photo credit:
"GhazanBeingBreastfed" by Rashid al-Din - Rashid al-Din, "Djami al-Tawarikh", early 14th century. Reproduction in "Ghengis Khan et l'Empire Mongol", Jean-Paul Roux. Licensed under Public domain via Wikimedia Commons.
"Breastfeeding-icon-med" by Matt Daigle - Mothering.com. Via Wikimedia Commons.

I'm THAT person...Why I Don't Give Money to Charities

You know the scenario. I'm in line at the grocery store. I put my groceries on the conveyer belt. I watch sadly as the total gets higher and higher. I get out my credit card and slide it through the card reader.

Then, the cashier asks the inevitable question: "Would you like to donate $____ to the _____________ charity?"

And I, with my "Catholic Radio" bumper sticker, and crucifix on my neck, and rosary in my purse, always say the same thing, with incredible guilt bubbling to the surface as I say the words:

"No, thank you."

I feel all eyes on me, including (and especially) the cashier's, judging the living daylights out of me and my crucifix necklace: Typical Christian. Talks the talk, but doesn't walk the walk. 

How can you say no to me??

I always hate this. I hate passing by the bell-ringing Salvation Army people without giving change. I hate turning away the sad eyes from those puppies who need medical help. I hate saying no to the children in third world countries who don't know where their next meal is coming from.

But for me and my family, we know it's the best thing to do for us. Because here's the thing: do we ever really know where our money is going?

To me, giving money is like voting. You can't just walk into the voter's booth and randomly fill out circles, not knowing a thing about the candidates. Well, you can, but it's not a good thing to do. I personally do not feel comfortable giving money to any organization that I know nothing about. So I say no. Because I'm sure that some of it will go to that good cause...but do I really know?

I'll never forget the day I decided to stop buying Ben and Jerry's ice cream. It was (and still is) my favorite store bought ice cream in the world. Just typing about it right now is making my saliva production substantially increase. I used to eat it all the time. Then I found out that they give a substantial amount of their profits to Planned Parenthood. And the internal battle inside of me raged: Really, do your $4 per pint make any difference at all? Surely it doesn't matter.

I ultimately decided that it did matter. And from that day forward, I resolved never to buy it again. (I will admit that people have bought it for me as gifts, and I accept it and eat it....but that's the only time I eat it).

But here's the thing: if I were to boycott every single product, business, or organization that gave money to something I didn't agree with, it would be virtually impossible for me to live. Disney. Whole Foods. American Airlines. Oreos. Amazon. Cheerios. Google. The list goes on and on.

So what do I do? Do I live in a bubble, become completely self sufficient, and never buy another product again?

Again, I'd like to compare this to voting. When we vote, we must decide what political subject is most important to us. Because the reality is that no perfect politician exists. And every one will probably stand for at least a few things that we disagree with. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't vote. We must simply make the best informed decision that we possibly can which aligns with our beliefs.

So I do believe there's no doubt that a lot of those charitable organizations to which I do not contribute certainly do a lot of good. (Did that sentence make any sense at all?) But I must pick and choose which organization is the most aligned with what my priorities and beliefs are.

We choose one organization to give our money. We have chosen the Catholic Church, because it is the biggest charitable organization in the world. It feeds, educates, clothes, houses, heals, and supports more people than any other charity. We trust that when we give the Church our money, it will be used in the best way possible. Of course, there's always going to be a level of trust when you give money, and you will never know for sure if it's being used wisely. But we have been doing it for years, and we feel like it's the best decision for us.

So next time you see me at the grocery store, hanging my head in shame as I softly mutter "no" to the picture of the near extinct tropical birds, please don't judge...I promise, I do give as much as I am able. I'm just picky.

Sensitive Issues: How Do You Respond?

When it comes to interacting with people I do not know, I like to avoid as much conflict as I possibly can. In a restaurant, if they get my order wrong, I almost never say anything because I don't want to annoy the waiter or waitress. If, at the grocery store, someone approaches the same line as I do, I always let them go ahead of me because I don't want to make them angry. Whenever I am dealing with customer service employees, whether in person or over the phone, I am always extremely apologetic of using up their time and many times blame the problem on myself, even if it is clear it's not my fault.

I wish I could say that I did all this because I was a "good person" or because I am genuinely concerned about the well being of others. The truth is, I am like this because I am so scared of offending others or doing something that will make them think less of me. So instead of being virtuous, it's really a huge pride issue. It's all about ME.

You might think it's strange that I am afraid to offend people. After all, I write about controversial topics all the time on this blog, and I make my opinion clearly known. Part of the reason I love writing this blog is because I find it's so much easier for me to put my thoughts into writing than it is to speak about it. Another reason, though, is something that my generation suffers from because of the "computer" and "texting" age: I do not have to respond to people who disagree with me right away. I have time to think about my responses. With a blog, I can think about what I'm going to say, say it, and then check it to make sure I said everything the way I meant to. It is so much different from a person to person conversation. In that case, your response must be immediate. You have much less time to think. You have much less time to "calm down" if one person offends another.

Last weekend, Trent, Elizabeth, Cocoa (our dog) and I stayed at a little cabin in Shawnee National Forest. We went to a few really great wineries (and yes, I did drink some wine, despite the judgment stares I was getting from some people). One of the wineries was having a charity event for animal shelters. We brought Cocoa and walked around to the different activities and booths, all of us having a great time.

Elizabeth was tuckered out after the weekend.
Don't worry, she didn't get punched in the face. That's a face painting.

At one point, Trent went inside the winery for a few minutes while I stayed outside with Cocoa. Suddenly, a woman with a clipboard approached me and two other girls who were standing next to me. "Hi everyone!" she said cheerfully. "Would you like to sign a petition to help the Green Party get on the ballot for the next election?" I froze. The two girls next to me shrugged and said "sure, why not?" The woman looked expectantly at me. "Uhhhh...." I said awkwardly, "Um, maybe I should wait for my husband to come back. He knows more about this stuff than I do."

First of all, that was a lie. I am just as involved with and informed about political issues as my husband is. I needed to buy myself some time so I could think of what to say to this woman. Ordinary people who were unsure about signing the petition would just politely say "no, thank you" and move on. But not me. I wanted my husband to do the dirty work for me because I was too much of a wuss to say anything.

Let me be clear, here, that I do not associate myself with a political party, per se. I vote based on which candidate will most carry out the issues that are aligned with Catholic Church teachings. I love that the Democratic party focuses on helping the poor. I love that the Republican party is pro-life. I love that the Green party is concerned with saving the environment and making our world a better place to live. Obviously, there is never a candidate who will stand for every single thing the Church teaches. So I make priorities. To me, sanctity of life is the most important issue, because if we do not value human life, then what else matters? Keep in mind that when I say "sanctity of life," I mean ALL life, from conception to natural death. This includes not only unborn babies, but children, teenagers, adults, and the elderly. However, since unborn babies are the most innocent and vulnerable of this group, I have made abortion my number one priority when I vote.

So this is why I felt so awkward when the woman asked me to sign the petition. I didn't even know if the Green party was pro-life or not. Trent returned, and I pointedly looked away from the woman, trying to avoid eye contact. "Excuse me, sir, your wife said I should talk to you." The woman explained what she wanted. "I see you two have a child, which means you must be concerned with making our world's future a better place! Please sign this petition to help make that a reality!" My husband looked at her and immediately said, "I'm sorry, but I don't agree with everything your party stands for, so I can't sign that." The lady wasn't going to give up. "You don't want to make your daughter's future better?" she asked.

I started to get sweaty and nervous. My "avoid conflict at all costs" alarm was going off in my head. My husband seemed unperturbed. To try to smooth things out, I said, "I really like a lot of what the Green Party stands for. But are you pro-life?" She paused, then said, "You mean anti-choice?" That statement right there answered my question. But she went on: "No, I firmly believe that all women should have the freedom to control their own bodies. Think about how many unwanted children there are out there. I have three daughters myself, and they have gotten bullied by other children who have terrible lives, simply because their parents don't want them. Do you really want your daughter to be around these types of children?"

Musician joke...teehee!

This statement dumbfounded me. It sounded so similar to the words Hitler said when he wanted to eliminate the "unfit" races. I had no words, no response. There were hundreds of thoughts racing in my brain, but I said none of them. My husband simply responded, "Yep, it's a tough world out there." Then we walked away. I didn't talk much for awhile. I was too busy wondering if what I did was the right thing. I truly felt that this woman had her mind made up, and no words from me or anyone else would convince her otherwise. But part of me didn't want to respond because I just wanted to avoid conflict.

So in situations like these, what should a person do? Should we use the opportunity to evangelize, and to explain our faith? Or will that backfire? I have seen "Christian Evangelists." Many times, they do more harm than good. They talk too much, and end up frustrating people more than they help people. It is more effective, in my opinion, to evangelize by example: by living your faith in the best way you can. But what about strangers who we will never see again? Should we remain silent and simply pray as hard as we can? Part of what held me back from responding to this woman was certainly cowardice. But part of it, too, was my feeling that talking to her would do no good.


How do you respond in situations like this? What do you think is the best way to convey the truth without being pushy or annoying? Where, in your opinion, is the balance between "saying" and "praying"?

"Boys Will Be Boys": The Pornography Lie

Probably the most terrifying thing to me about parenting is the fear of my children getting sucked into the computer and internet. I've said it before, but the internet is a SCARY, WONDERFUL place. It's wonderful because we have access to so much information that we never did before. Want a recipe for something? Takes 5 seconds to get it. Need a place to connect with other people but can't leave the house? Join an online group! Want to be a huge nerd and share with others about your gloriously intelligent and awe inspiring thoughts and opinions? Start a blog! But don't name it something stupid or confusing, like "The Girl Who Wishes To Be An Orthodox Christian."

But. But. The internet is scary. Terrifying. Frightening. Petrifying. Hair Raising. Blood Curdling. (No, I didn't just google "synonyms for scary" and list them all in order...uh...) We all know what's out there. We all know how easy it is to get sucked in. And how simple it is to let it take over our lives.

What I'm talking about today is no secret. Pornography is out there. It's so easy to find that those of us who want nothing to do with it have to spend money, time, and effort to NOT find it. It is more addictive than hard drugs, and it consumes marriages, relationships, and lives of many, many people.

Let me preface this by saying a few things. First of all, if you are reading this and you suffer from an addiction to pornography, PLEASE know that I am in no way passing judgment or accusation on you as a person. I still love you and my goal is not to make you feel terrible about yourself. My goal is to give you hope, and help you to realize that it IS possible to get over this addiction.

Secondly, I understand both men and women suffer from addictions to pornography. However, in this blog post, I will be focusing on how it affects men, their girlfriends, their wives, and their relationships with others.

So here we go.

Hey ladies. We all have a responsibility to help our men. They are visual creatures and it's very hard for them to focus when we are wearing clothes that are screaming "Hey look at my legs/breasts/stomach/butt/whatever other body part we want to show off." Dressing modestly is awesome! It is possible to look cute and feminine while dressing modestly. You don't have to wear a veil or a long jean skirt in order to accomplish this. I'm currently working on making my wardrobe more modest than it has been in the past. Hey, maybe I'll write a blog post about it sometime! And I understand that dressing modestly is much harder for some women than it is for others, simply based on body types. Trust me, this is coming from someone who has a rear end the size of a small planet. But every outfit we choose is sending out a message that is more than simple fashion preference. We are either helping men see us as a beautiful, feminine creation of God, or we are helping men see us as an object of lust. Which would you rather be? (Raise your hand for the first one!)

HOWEVER. The responsibility is not solely on the girls. Sadly, our culture thinks otherwise. Not only is it permissible to "let boys be boys," as the saying goes, but it is also even encouraged. This culture has turned our strong men into weak, mindless machines who have no control over their thoughts or actions.We do not expect them to fight this battle anymore. We expect them to simply give in and do what everyone else is doing.

Typically, if a woman finds out that her husband/fiance/boyfriend looks at porn on a regular basis, she instinctively feels hurt. She often feels like she is being cheated on. "Am I not enough for him?" she begins to wonder. "Am I not beautiful to him?" "Who are these other women?" The insecurities rise, and their relationship is damaged. Women deal with insecurity in a much deeper way than men. It is difficult for women to become physically or emotionally intimate with a man with whom they do not feel fully secure. And even though it is very possible for women to forgive, it is very difficult to let go of the damage caused by these insecurities.

Even more damage is done by the reaction of others when women share these problems. Women who tell others about their hurt feelings are met with indifference, or even laughter. "What else do you expect?" people often say. "All men look at porn. It's part of being a man. Just let them do their thing and move on." Some women are even made to feel like they are being "controlling" or "overprotective" when they share their feelings on the issue.

I'm here to say this: ladies, we have womanly instincts for a reason. Your uneasiness about this issue is there because it is, indeed, an issue. You are not wrong for feeling this way, even though society tells you otherwise. You can and should expect that your significant other tries his hardest to have eyes only for you.

BUT. In saying that, it is your number one responsibility to love your man. You can help him overcome this problem. The way to do this is not to make him feel guilty, hold a grudge, or threaten him. Pride is important to men, and as their significant others, we see them when they are at their most vulnerable. Make sure he knows that you are here to help him in the best way that you can. Not to be the scolding mother-figure whenever he is "caught in the act." You want him to feel like he can come to you when he is struggling...not to be afraid to talk to you about it.

We are all human and we all sin. This is a fact, and we shouldn't look down on others for their sins. Just because somebody else's sin is different from our own does not make us a better or a worse person. And we should always trust our instincts. Our sex-saturated culture likes to tell us what "normal" is, even though our instincts often tell us otherwise.


There is help out there for those who suffer from this addiction, and for their significant others. A new book by Matt Fradd is out called "Delivered". It is filled with hopeful stories about men and women who have overcome their addictions. There are countless websites with helpful advice and suggestions, such as Family Life Center.

So remember: This is good news! There is hope! We must always remind ourselves that anything is possible with God.

How Do You Stay Positive In A Crazy, Messed Up World?

 Sometimes I annoy people. I know this will shock you because how could someone like me possibly ever be annoying? Don't worry, don't worry, it doesn't happen all the time. Just like every few minutes or so. One of the many reasons why I can be annoying is because I wear my heart on my sleeve. I have a lot of trouble keeping my emotions to myself. And it's hard for me to understand how others do not have the same reactions I do.

If I'm excited about something, THEN DAG NABBIT WHY ISN'T EVERYONE ELSE JUMPING UP AND DOWN BECAUSE THIS IS THE COOLEST THING EVER AND HOW COULD YOU NOT BE HAVING HEART PALPITATIONS BASED ON THE SHEER AMAZINGNESS OF THIS EVENT OR ITEM OR CIRCUMSTANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Things that I get unbelievably excited about that don't seem to warrant the same reaction from others:

1. Delicious food of any kind
2. Chocolate milk (the real stuff, none of that Hershey's Syrup mixed with milk crud)
3. Discussions about anything related to Catholicism
4. Alton Brown
5. Delicious food
6. Pokemon
7. Delicious ice cream
8. Harry Potter
9. Really good food
10. Being a hippie while not being a hippie

If something irritates me, it's really hard for me to hide my reaction. Ummmm....could you please stop telling me how unhealthy it is to consume two gallons of chocolate milk in a three hour period? It's really irritating. Because just FYI I do this on a semi regular basis and no I'm not ashamed to admit it. Nor am I ashamed that I make my daughter go in the other room while I inhale drink the said chocolate milk so that she won't start whining because I won't share any with her. I'm just being a good parent...it's not healthy to consume so much chocolate milk in such a short amount of time.

Things that tend to irritate me:

1. Unorganized drawers and cabinets in my own house (ironic because my house if full of them...and every time I open one, the irritation creeps slowly in...)
2. Food that you think will be delicious but turns out gross
3. My dog's habit of eating her own poop (just being real here)
4. Wasting food
5. Speeding tickets
6. People who tell me I drink too much chocolate milk

If I think something is sad, it is unbelievable to me that no one else is crying their eyes out because how could they NOT think that the scene in The Fox and the Hound where Todd's owner drops him off at the forest with no intention of returning for him is the SADDEST MOVIE SCENE EVER???

Things that make me sad:

1. When I accidentally kill any type of bug. I can't kill bugs because whenever I do I cry. So whenever we find a spider in our house I make my husband carefully catch it and let it outside.
2. When baby birds fall out of their nests and I don't know for sure if their mom will come get them!!!
3. Running out of chocolate milk
4. When restaurants run out of food items that are delicious

But here's when I really start to annoy people. When I get mad about something, I get really mad. And I'm not talking about physically violent, like I start going around punching people. I never really have the urge to physically take out my anger on things. I'm talking about emotionally mad. Like, I can't believe that anyone would not find this offensively WRONG. I get so outraged, I can't understand why everyone else isn't either.

This is a problem that I have. I'm working on it. But here's why I think it annoys people: because we live in an apathetic culture. No one really cares or has opinions anymore. It's a "free for all", "do what works for you", "what I think is true might not necessarily be true for you", "hey man let's all get along" sort of thing. I can't handle it. I see the way our country and our world is going and it makes me ANGRY.

All last week the media was buzzing about these satanist groups. I've learned to be skeptical about anything the media says because they usually always get it wrong or twist it in some way. But the basic gist is this: one satanist group at Harvard wants to conduct a "Black Mass," in which they have a ceremony that mocks the Catholic Mass (some sources even say they will use a consecrated host, which is the most unbelievably disrespectful thing anyone could ever do to a Catholic since we believe that it actually IS Jesus Christ). Another satanist group wants to put up a statue of Satan in Oklahoma's capitol building.

The argument is always this: we have freedom of religion! Let them do what they want! They aren't hurting anyone! If the Christians can have church gatherings, let the satanists have theirs! If the statue of the 10 Commandments can be in the capitol building, why can't a statue of Satan?

Where's the line? I ask you, where is the line?? We have already crossed it many times over. Why are people so defensive of these types of groups, but judge Christians as being "haters" and "imposing?" We are getting into dangerous territory here. Who knows what the future holds for Christians? People laugh when I suggest that perhaps, in the not so far future, we will be imprisoned for expressing our beliefs. Why is that so outrageous to think? People are already getting fired for it. And perhaps, soon after that, we will be persecuted. It has happened before. It is happening now, in other parts of the world. And it very well could happen here, in the "Land of the Free."

I'm not saying this to be a Debbie Downer, or to get everyone feeling depressed and hopeless. The world has always had problems since the fall of Adam and Eve, and it will continue to have problems until the end of time. But God put us in this time for a reason. We must be aware of what is happening around us, and we must fight the good fight.

So here's what I want to know. Coming from someone who gets so outraged at the injustice happening around us, how do you stay positive? I have a few things I like to think of, and I would love to hear yours.

1) Acknowledge the problems, but focus on the good around us as well.
There are so many good people out there. It's easy to focus on the bad, but we must always remember that for every bad person, there are many more good people.

2) Count your blessings
I know this sounds cliché, but it is so important. We all have crosses we must bear and there is no such thing as a perfect society. As twisted as I believe our country is getting, I still love it. I have patriotism and am proud to be an American. I love its founding principals and I know that there are people out there who are trying their hardest to make our country a better place to live.

3) Remember that in the end, goodness wins.
This is perhaps the most comforting thought of all. I tell myself this all the time. As Christians, we have been told that throughout the struggles and wars and injustices we will face, in the end, God wins. We don't just believe this...we know this. Goodness will prevail. Love will triumph. Righteousness will be victorious.

We will fight the good fight.

And we WILL win.

Since When Does "I Disagree" = "I Hate You"??

I figure I'm probably going to be writing a lot of controversial stuffs on this blog, so this is a post that needs to be written.

Before I proceed, let me get one thing straight. When it comes to moral and religious issues, I despise relativism (except apparently when it comes to parenting). I don't buy the "what's true for me may not be true for you." argument. It makes no sense to me because if something is true, it doesn't matter what we think of it. The lamp next to my bed is, indeed, a lamp, regardless of whether or not I want to believe it is. When it comes to religion, I have faith that Catholicism is Truth. Despite anyone's belief as to whether it is or not. There are two possibilities here: Either I'm right, or I'm wrong. There is no in between. Either Catholicism is the truest religion (I of course think that all Christian, and even non-Christian, religions have some elements of truth to them, but the Catholic Church is where one can find the complete fullness of truth), or it's not.


Of course, we are all human (except for my dog. She's not a human but I'm pretty sure she has some strong opinions about this subject). So naturally, there are going to be subjects about which we disagree. Some subjects cause more emotional reactions than others. If you disagree with me about, say, my view of whether or not the sky is REALLY blue, we could have a pleasant conversation and perhaps just agree to disagree in the end. But if you try and tell me that my opinion about my grandmother's strawberry rhubarb pie (it's the most delicious thing I have ever put in my mouth and it should be considered a miracle which means my grandmother should be considered for canonization to the sainthood) is wrong, then you might as well never talk to me again because I don't think we can be friends. (Jk, jk. We can still be friends. I just won't like you as much) ((SERIOUSLY, joking. Kind of))


My point is, even if we disagree on important things like moral or religious issues, that doesn't change the fact that there is, indeed, a correct answer. One of us is right. And of course, most people believe that they hold the correct view. They wouldn't hold their view if they didn't think it was right.

OKAY. I have that out of the way, so I shall proceed.

*Clears Throat*
*Adjusts Glasses* (If I wore them)
*Shuffles Papers*

Ladies and gentlemen, we live in a "tolerant" culture. What exactly does that word mean?

Being tolerant is the "cool" thing to do nowadays. When I hear the word, I think of this:

We need to have tolerance, simply because there are different opinions out there and people do not always agree. Tolerance is a good thing. But here's the problem I have with it: it seems as though many who preach tolerance are not, in fact, tolerant of those who disagree about certain issues. In fact, they go so far as to call them names: hateful, phobic, bigoted, anti-freedom, etc etc. The list could go on. Allow me to give an example:



Brendan Eich, the CEO of Mozilla, recently stepped down from his position. People responded with outrage as they discovered his $1,000 contribution to California's Proposition 8 campaign in 2008. I'm not going to pretend to know a vast amount about what exactly happened here because all I have read is what the media has reported, and I've learned never to trust the media. What I do know is that Eich was encouraged (many people say forced) to step down from his position because the company did not agree with his contribution that supported opposition of same-sex marriage.

Mozilla's executive chairwoman, Mitchell Baker, issued the following statement regarding Eich's resignation:

Mozilla believes both in equality and freedom of speech. Equality is necessary for meaningful speech. And you need free speech to fight for equality. Figuring out how to stand for both at the same time can be hard.
Our organizational culture reflects diversity and inclusiveness. We welcome contributions from everyone regardless of age, culture, ethnicity, gender, gender-identity, language, race, sexual orientation, geographical location and religious views. Mozilla supports equality for all.

I'm not going to get into the issue of gay marriage here, by the way. That's for another post. What I don't understand is how they can possibly say they "believe in equality and freedom of speech"? Apparently that does not apply to Eich. "We welcome contributions from everyone"...except those who disagree with popular opinion.

I've found that many people do just this. They say that they are tolerant, that they support equality, that they believe in freedom for all. But really, they don't. Eich was branded as a hateful, homophobic bigot by many who discovered his monetary contribution. And so are others who hold his views.

What would those people say if Mozilla decided to "encourage someone to resign" because he publicly supported gay marriage? It would be all over the news. Those who once were "tolerant" would suddenly become just the opposite.

"I disagree" does NOT mean "I hate you". I fully understand that many of my views are not the views that a majority of our society holds. I don't think contraception is right, but that doesn't mean that if you use it, I think you're a horrible person. I do think you'd be better off not using it, and I still think you're wrong for using it, but I don't hate you. I'm not a "people-who-use-contraception-phobic." I don't "fear" you (as the term "phobic" implies) or wish you any harm. In fact, I wish the opposite, which is why I encourage others to consider my viewpoint. I can still be good friends with you. I just disagree. One of us is right, one of us isn't. End of story. And really, who does agree with every single life decision or viewpoint of another? It's nearly impossible.

So do we truly live in a culture that encourages tolerance? I don't think so. In my view, Americans define tolerance as agreeing with the loudest voice (which is not even necessarily the majority voice). If you don't, you are considered hateful. Or, as they ironically like to say, "intolerant."

I tell you this in the hopes that when you read any future posts of mine, you do not label me in that way. Just because I might have a different opinion than you does not mean I'm hateful. Just because I might preach that a life choice you happen to be making is morally wrong does not mean I hate you. I just disagree with you. And, like I mentioned earlier, I will stand my ground that what I believe (which is what the Catholic Church teaches) is true. And you'll probably stand your ground. And that's okay.

Let's not be H8ers. Let's have discussions with intelligence and kindness. Perhaps what I say may influence you to think about your decisions. Maybe what you say will encourage me to really think about my viewpoints. Or maybe in the end we'll just agree to disagree. I promise you that I won't call you a h8er.

Unless, of course, you criticize my grandmother's strawberry rhubarb pie.

Just don't go there.